Should one be debt-free before marrying?

Great article. I know that after I told one of the women on AMS that I was still searching for a job, she stopped replying. I think that this concept of love or potential love if it is in the early stages taking precedent over financial stability is a concept that all should take to heart.

For further reading on familly finances I would recommend Steve Wood's book " The ABCs of finding a good husband/wife" chapter 6 particularily; but while you've got the book; read the whole thing it's worth the time! By the same author; "Christian Fatherhood" chapter 9 in particular.Ladies can read it too!
Personally I am extremely thankful that my father was debt free when he married and through prudent management remained debt free. All his children attended a private christian school. There was always that little extra available for wholesome family resources when it came to safeguarding the Faith. Not everyone has the same circumstances I understand but I hope to continue in my father's footsteps and build on a strong foundation.

I'm a little uncomfortable with this question and the responses provided. I haven't seen anything wrong per se, but...well some of the answer seems to me to miss the point.

I think a better answer would be a simple question:
Have the two of you discussed finances thoroughly and included financial goals--such as debt resolution--as part of your personal goals as a couple?

I don't think we know enough from the question posed about whether the potential spouse's debts are an excuse or a legitimate concern. As someone hinted earlier: What constitutes a legitimate financial problem?

I think a best answer for any couple would be to include a pretty in-depth discussion of finances and goals prior to marriage. Those goals and dreams will have a dramatic impact on every other decision a couple makes, which helps explain why money causes so much trouble in marriage.

On the whole, most people in this nation know entirely too little about how money works, how to negotiate with others, or how to handle life from a financial standpoint.

I'd strongly recommend Robert Kiyosaki's book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and others in that series, as a means of provoking plenty of discussion and thought as you prepare for marriage.

I think if you want to have a "traditional" family, you need to think about debt. There are so many women in debt who want a man to "save" them from their situation, and vice versa. But modern society pretty much requires you to go into debt if you want an education beyond undergraduate. I'm not at all saying women shouldn't themselves have an education - I'm saying that double debt can be very burdensome.

I agree with John's comments above. Debt is a serious issue and the major cause of marital problems, it is not being materialistic, it is being realistic. Love doesn't solve everything that is too simplistic, we must know the reasons for the debt and they need financial counseling to get out of it or work on it as they go forward in their relationship.

I agree with John's statements also. More info is needed from the person who posed the question. "Through no fault of his own"may or may not be accurate or not. Who says it's not the guy's fault? Even with identity theft, it could happen because someone was scammed by an elaborate hoax for which anyone might fall, or else it could be due to someone who happened to notice a guy not taking basic common-sense precautions. As an example, you would be surprised, for instance, how many people put their Social security numbers on their resumes. If identity theft is the reason, then it is not the guy's fault that someone chose to steal, but it might be this man's fault if his identity is stolen because he lacks the virtues of prudence and good judgement.

Also, no matter what the cause of the debt is, bills do not care what the reason is for the debt. Credit scores do not care about the story. A very frank assessment of the battle ground, and an aggressive, frank plan to deal with the damage is necessary. I don't know if I would marry or not at this time. I don't have enough info to say. For instance, can their combined income and financial plans sufficiently off-set the damage of the battle called "Debt"?

I don't know what the realities are of the situation. But they can be ugly. Are they ready to practice what may be real possibilities: hiding from bill collectors, having wages garnished, tax refunds with-held to pay for back taxes, bad credit scores, and the possibility of not getting a job because of failing a credit background check? This last possibility is real, I'm a recruiter, and depending on the position, and the company, we do run credit checks on potential applicants. If the applicant does not pass a credit check, some companies will not hire a person at all, or at least not for the desired job. Fyi, some apartment building require passing a credit first. So, don't settle for the thought that you might have to live in an apartment rather then getting a house for a few years. You might end up in an apartment, but not the one you want. In addition, the extreme stress that can be caused on a couple can be incredible. Are you already compromising for a less expensive wedding, ring, or dates? Can you handle the partnership and sacrifice of confronting these issues which may become your issues too?

Financial matters, no matter what the cause is, need to be met head on. In that regard, I liked Anthony's answer because HOW the problem is faced reveals just as much - if not more - about a person as how they got there in the first place. I'm not saying don't get married. At the very least, do get ready to fight: the problem. Not eachother.

Two suggestions: get him to show you his credit report. Really analysis his story. If you're talking about marriage, believe me, it is your right to ask to see this info.

Also, try checking out Susie Orman's book: The Young, the Fabulous, and the Broke.

God bless you.

I agree in part that no one should let financial security get in the way of marriage. That being said, I do disagree that they should necessarily get serious. If this man is overly concerned with his financial security, this will likely bleed into other areas of his life, including his married life. Is he using his financial trouble to avoid commitment? Will this preoccupation continue through their married life? In short, what, if anything, does this preoccupation say about his character?

Moreover, while I completely agree that one should not worry about entering marriage with debt, it is a fact of life that debt -- regardless of culpability -- can be so great that marriage would not be prudent at that time. Such a situation does not call for a couple to break up necessarily, but waiting in this case may not be uncalled for.

This is not to say that she should break up with him. I'm simply saying that there are other things to consider before advising her to stay date this man more seriously.

Finances are extremely important but they also are a common cause of divorce. As one that has been laid off before, it is something that could be totally spontaneous and out of one's control. I think what a female/male needs to look for in the other is whether they are lazy or not industrious with their God-given talents, whatever they may be.

*Why* is in he debt?
Maybe, it would be good to ask that question. Is he in debt because he is a big spender? is there an addiction? Or, is the debt from school? Does he have a clear plan to pay it back, and has made progress on paying it back? Those are some important questions to ask before taking the leap.