Is he interested or just being polite?
Dear Anthony,
I’m a member of Ave Maria Singles. I initiated contact with another member and he replied that the long distance between us was a problem for him, but to feel free to correspond. I replied that I try not to make distance an issue and encouraged him to do the same. I don’t know if he is really interested or just being polite. What do you think? I’m not looking for a pen pal.
No need to overcomplicate this. If a man is interested, he is going to pursue. This man is not going to pursue you. His leaving it open for you to still contact him means that he is not trying to cut you off if you still just want to write. But he is not interested. My advice is to move on and not contact him again. You said your piece, and were right to do so (saying you have a different opinion on the matter of long distance). But again, men don't let opportunities go. If he was interested in you, he would not make distance an issue and he would continue writing to you.
Yours in Christ,
Anthony
Fulton Sheen on Love and Marriage
Entire FultonSheen.com library
Anthony is right. If a man is into someone, he will pursue. Keep taking care of yourself, don't take this situation personally, and hold out for someone who is and will be into you.
Pray that the Lord will put those desires in your heart that are according to His will. Pray for your future husband, that God will lead you to him. God bless, Patricia.
It happens and it is up to the woman to continue to correspond or accept that someone is not open to a long distance relationship. It is better to know this as soon as possible. I hope this helps.
a fellow AMS member
Whatever does this mean? A guy has to be "in the mood" to seek out his vocation to marriage? I'm hoping you jest!
If he's not "in the mood" then maybe he should change his status to inactive.
Wow, I am stunned at this attempted justification to a lack of action on the part of the man.
Men build monogamy upon a foundation of physical connection. By that, I don’t mean touching, necessarily. Physical connection involves much more. Men need to be physically present with a woman in order to bond with her emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. He wants to be near her, to share time and experiences with her, to see her face and hear her voice, even before touching her for the first time. Physical connection is both primal and primary, which explains why men commonly dismiss long-distance relationships as futile, like having no relationship at all. This is not to suggest that men are fundamentally shallow; they simply experience the deeper aspects of intimacy by means of their physical senses.
Women, on the other hand, build monogamy on a foundation of mental connection, which is no less primal or primary than a man’s need to experience his mate through the five senses. In the beginning, when a woman is drawn to a man she finds interesting, she wants to know all about him, his character, his ideas, his interests, his goals. Being in his presence merely serves this need, but letters and long discussions by phone will do just as well. Generally speaking, a woman can tolerate a long-distance romance much better than a man, as long as she continues to experience a rich mental connection with her lover.
It should come as no surprise then, that this mental connection remains foundational to a woman’s experience of intimacy. According to Harley, she needs affection, conversation, and honesty/openness more than anything. While men automatically assume that affection means touching, women think of affection in terms of its mental and emotional significance. A tender note or an unexpected call “just because” are no less meaningful than a hug or a peck on the cheek.
In addition to affection, a wife needs conversation and honesty/openness from her husband. This mental connection to her husband is crucial to her sense of well-being.