My children have been working for days making Valentines for family and schoolmates. They love it. And it's been great to get a perspective of Valentine's Day from the point of view of children. They are so pure and innocent in their intentions. They see it as a time to share a message that they care. It is much like the original intention of Valentine's Day. 

Chaucer is primarily credited for the idea. He wrote a poem that said birds choose a mate on this day. The secular world picked that concept up and applied it to people, and February 14th became a day to share affection for the ones you love. It happened to be the day of the feast of St. Valentine, who has absolutely nothing to do with love, romance, mating, or any other such thing, except to say that he (as all saints) was in love with Christ. But that's reaching :-) He was simply a third-century martyr for Christ, who was beheaded in the end. Not very romantic, but definitely a great witness to love.

Ironically, this concept of birds finding a mate has everything to do with 'offspring.' The concept of "mating" has as its purpose NOT the idea of falling in love, but the idea of having babies. So the birds choose a mate, or the lucky bird will conceive and have baby birdies. I think it is no small coincidence that the "mating" concept of Valentine's Day never followed along as the celebration grew. We don't find someone to "mate" with today, we find someone to "date." Mating means children, and God forbid we throw children into the focus of love and relationships. Sadly, that is what modern Valentine's Day has helped to dispel; namely, the reality that finding one person to love is focused on that love "being fruitful" in the having of children. Best to keep it to flowers and chocolates, not children, huh? :-)

The 18th century was the time that Chaucer's inspiration really took hold, and you find letters to sweethearts using the term "Valentine."  Of course, the rest is history. But Valentine's Day has definitely moved away from its innocence and purity. Part of what is distorted about it is the pressure is causes. I remember even as a teenager, there was an intense pressure and craziness as Valentine's Day approached. Needless to say, it's just as intense and crazy today. But there seems to be more of a "countdown" toward it, which helps make it an incredible money-making industry.

I have never been an advocate of profiting off people's loneliness or desire to love someone and be loved by someone. Additionally different from my teenage and college years is the Internet, and the incredible multi-billion-dollar online dating industry. Ironically, I technically have an online dating site, Ave Maria Singles, so maybe I seem hypocritical to some on this point. But I don't think anyone would argue that there is a ton of dating sites out there promoting "love-seeking." Basically, people use them because the basic desire in all single people to want love in their life makes these sites a great business.

As for Valentine's Day itself, it is definitely considered the official day for love. I'm not writing today to "judge" it. People obviously want it, or it wouldn't be as popular as it is. But it only fosters a small and not-so-sustainable aspect of true love that lasts a lifetime. If truth be known, Valentine's Day is a celebration of "feelings" of love. I'm fine with a day that is designated a day to recognize the feelings you have for the one you love. It's fun, and it's harmless. But I am totally against the pressure that it makes people feel. If single people are made to feel depressed because they don't have a "Valentine," then there is something distorted about Valentine's Day. If a man is made to feel as if he does not really love a woman because he forgets to arrange for flowers delivered, that is also a distortion of the spirit of Valentine's Day. I especially don't like to hear of single people lamenting because this day has come and gone with love still elusive in their life. That saddens my heart. Ask yourself this: how many couples who have celebrated Valentine's Day in the past are no longer couples? Some? Most? So many it's scary?

At the end of the day, I am fine with Valentine's Day. It's fun to see the kids do something tangible to show someone they love that they care. It's also a great reason to take Bridget out for dinner on a date. But I thank God I am with a woman who never cared for Valentine's Day, and who never put any pressure on me to make it anything significant. Forgetting her birthday, though ... now that is a different matter altogether :-)

For those of us who are really "in love" with someone, it's kind of an anti-climatic day because when you celebrate love every day of your life, having one day to recognize it is kind of absurd. And for Catholics, saying "Happy St. Valentine's Day" has more of different meaning than the world would like to know about. Besides, for Christians, the ultimate days that celebrate love are still yet to come, and are just around the corner: Good Friday and Easter. One thing is for sure: Valentine's Day is never a day that creates "security" for love. In other words, as long as love is only a feeling, it can die just as intensely as it lived in the moment it was just a feeling.

May those who want true love look to Good Friday and Easter Sunday. When you find someone who agrees with that, then you have someone who just might really know what lifelong, committed, sacrificial, unconditional, married love is. But it's okay to have fun with Valentine's Day, too, as long as you don't put pressure on each other.

Just got back from Mass and receiving ashes for Ash Wednesday to start another Lenten season. Today is a special reminder to us from the Church that we are not only going to die one day, but that life is very short and that this body of ours is going to end up back to dust.

Those who have heard my talks know that I often like to say to single Catholics something like, "You will all be dead soon, so you had better get on with it sooner rather than later." Of course, I am talking about the vocation to marriage. Some say it is more complicated than that. I wonder.

I am 42 years old and was married when I was 28. Bridget and I have been through a great deal together, and have grown as individuals through our love for each other. There have been many very hard times, which are times when you wonder how anyone without God to answer to can get through. We have 7 children, and have also had 4 miscarriages. Our first child was diagnosed with autism at age 2. Many things in our life are going not as we expected, but completely as they should be. We are very blessed.

Every day, I consider that I will be dead very soon, and it is a great help for my vocation to marriage. It helped me get into marriage in the first place, and it helps me to be strong in my marriage. It is so very obvious to me that my salvation is being worked out through marriage via my relationship with my wife and the raising of my children. I have come a long way, but still have a long way to go. But the accountability and responsibility in marriage keep me focused and on the right path.

I am 42 years old and still in love with my wife, believe marriage is permanent, and rely on God's grace to fulfill my duties in marriage and build up the persons entrusted to me by God, even when I don't feel like doing it. I am well on my way to being ready to meet God when I am dead. And I have marriage to thank for that. I can remember the kind of person I was before I was married, and all the moments in marriage along the way when I was required to renounce certain aspects of that pre-marriage person. Marriage has made me a better person.

I am 42 years old and have so many blessings. Perhaps I have 20 or 30 good years left; who knows? God knows! But I wake up every day knowing exactly what I need to do to fulfill God's will for me, and that brings me a tremendous peace. If I die today, however, I have done a lot for the marriage vocation I have been called to, and the purposes of marriage that God intended.

I work with many, many single Catholic men and women. Many of them believe they have time for marriage whenever it happens, or are content to wait for God to do something that will move them toward marriage. Men especially seem to be in no real rush, and still trying to figure things out, as if marriage is about having your act totally together before you can take the plunge. That, of course, is nonsense. It is in marriage that things come together, not before. Sadly, many give in to sex before marriage, as if they have a right to enjoy their sexual impulses that are God-given (and they are) while maintaining an excuse for not being married yet (where sexual activity is ONLY permitted by God). It's hypocrisy to say, "I gave in to weakness and had sex" and then say, "I don't know if I am ready for marriage" or "I am not sure if this is the right person." Biblically, the act of intercourse is marriage. But how sad it is that even Catholics do this, while thinking so little of marriage and the right that future spouse has to their spouse's body and sexuality.

Though many give the outward appearance of being content to wait on the Lord, I know they are not happy. Not really. Yes, they love God and serve Christ and are good Catholics, and thank God there is so much more to eternity than this world can offer. And I guess, in a way, thank God we "will" be dead soon and have eternal happiness. But it does not have to be that way.

I am convinced that much of the problem of why marriages are not taking place today that should be taking place is because there is not enough meditation on the subject "Remember Death." Death is coming. It's coming soon. And what about quality of life even if you are not dead? You get to a certain age when you are still alive, but hardly able to do what you could do when younger. That's a form of death. But let's just call it "dying." We are all slowly but surely dying.

There are wonderful, good, kind, loving Catholic men and women out there who will make good husbands and wives. They won't be perfect, and they may not knock you off your feet in outward physical beauty (as the world seems to dictate should happen). But don't be deceived. Marriage is about service. It's about a calling we have to serve one person and the children that may come. And fulfilling that calling is the easy way to happiness in this life and excelling in growth in holiness. You don't "need" what you THINK you need. You don't "have to have" what you think you have to have. You really need only choose, then love with everything you have. In other words, ALLOW yourself to love someone who is clearly a good and beautiful person. I'm not talking about a loveless relationship. I'm talking about being open to falling in love. So many are closed to perfectly good opportunities due to the triggers they have set up for themselves that need to pulled before they open up. It's sad.

Precisely because you will be dead soon, if you really want marriage, then you need to get into it sooner rather than later. Men especially need to realize this. They do the choosing (the asking on dates, as well as proposing). You can't be 45 or 50 years old (for example) and still be saying you have a marriage vocation, but still hanging around waiting for something to happen. And you certainly can't keep using the same old excuses, especially that you haven't found the right person yet. Well, have you looked around you? Are you really "noticing" those who have been put into your path?

Choose! You will be dead soon and God will ask you to give an account of your life. Don't end up having to say to Him that He never sent you someone. He will simply say you did not notice the opportunities He sent you, nor did you ACT. God is all ACTION. He loves the person of action because he made us that way, especially the man of action. There are women out there to take action with. And they are waiting for you, and ready to love you as you have never known before. There will be rejection, but it takes only one. You will suffer during the marriage in many ways you cannot know ahead of time. But the love you give and the peace that comes with knowing you are where God wants you to be is immeasurable. And God will bless you abundantly for the risk you took in faith.

Remember death! Remember it every day. It will serve you well when it comes to taking action in your life. God needs you right now while you are alive.

Have a very grace-filled Lent.

Yesterday (Sunday) I had a wonderful father-daughter outing with Lydia, my 5-year-old. I took her to the Kennedy Center to see a ballet production of "Sleeping Beauty". Of course, like every normal little girl, Lydia is very much into all things "ballerina". It was a fantastic production and Lydia loved every minute of it. I went to enjoy my daughter time, but found myself really enthralled in the performances. What an incredible amount of athletic ability is required to be a ballet dancer! And the men ... my goodness, they must have needed to be oozing with male confidence to take up ballet. They were what struck me the most. These were very nice looking, very "manly" looking men performing their hearts out with an obvious talent for dance. I couldn't help thinking about what their dating issues must be like.

My guess was that they probably had no problems at all. They were attractive enough and, again, their confidence must be sky-high. Yet, there is a career that defies all the talks I am used to hearing about men and male confidence, etc. In none of those talks do you hear of a real man being a dancer, and the sacrifice that is required to be an exceptional, professional dancer. Fred Astaire and Donald O'Connor probably never real issues of manhood or confidence with women. And these male theatrical performers who dance in tights probably don't either. They all, no doubt, have to work on this craft from the time of boyhood. I doubt they had time for Cub Scouts and such. And I also doubt that their fathers had something to relate to them with at this level (no father-son dancing afternoons, I suspect). But there they are: normal men who happen to be dancers for a living.

I also couldn't help thinking how great it was to see so many men on our last cruise dancing every night with the ladies in our group, and how a man who dances really is attractive to a woman. Guys need to dance, no matter how bad they are or think they are. The women love it. It shows confidence, which is one of the top three characteristics in men I most hear women love.

Men who did not have the upbringing the "experts" think they should have had should not be the least bit deterred. If these athletic, hardworking, talented men who love to dance are willing to perform in a production like "Sleeping Beauty" and still maintain their manhood and live confident lives, why can't any Catholic man, no matter what was lacking from his past or what issues he had to work through? Dancing is a great place to start to build confidence. It will go a long way with the women.

As for my little Lydia, she wants to marry the prince who kissed Sleeping Beauty. He certainly was dashing and charming looking, even in that silly getup, so I can't blame her. But I think, like the truths that come so many times from children, Lydia is attracted to the hero that is in a man. That hero quality is what women are seeking. It's even the desire of those who have been influenced falsely by feminism.

What woman doesn't want a man who will go out of his way to make her feel special and one-of-a-kind? That is a true hero! I pray every day for such a man for my Lydia, as I do for all the wonderful Catholic single women. May men step out and risk rejection in the name of making a woman feel special.