Every year around Valentine’s Day, I get approached to be interviewed for articles being written about love and dating, or by people who want to talk about how Ave Maria Singles helps singles on Valentine’s Day.

For example, I was just interviewed for my weekly spot on the Son Rise Morning Show on Sacred Heart Radio, and the questions for this week had to do with Valentine’s Day and my thoughts about how single Catholics can make the best of this day if they do not have someone special in their lives. During that interview, I basically said that I like Valentine’s Day, but don’t like the pressure that people put on others when it comes to the gifts part of it. Why should a man be made to feel guilty about not getting flowers, candy, cards, or anything else that might be expected? If a woman does not feel loved by her man throughout the year, then there is nothing that Valentine’s Day can do to prove love that lasts. And if a woman DOES feel loved by her man throughout the year, why should anything that happens on Valentine’s Day make a difference? It makes no sense to me that there would be women upset by something they feel is lacking in the experience of Valentine’s Day from the man in their life.

So I guess as long as there is not undue pressure put on men, Valentine’s Day is a fun day of the year that can be a great excuse to do something special for someone you are dating, or engaged to, or married to.

For those who do not have someone special of the opposite sex in their life, this day can be a torture; a day that gets in your face to insult you with “Sorry, you have no one special, so this day does not apply to you.” Which brings me to the title of this article. I recently heard a single person refer to this day as “Single Awareness Day”, or S.A.D. I laughed when it was said because it is a great, sarcastic title for a day that should be the exact opposite of what the title implies. Unfortunately, it has a lot of truth to it. I know, because year after year I hear volumes of single people complain about Valentine’s Day and are bitter, when you know very well that if they did have someone special in their lives, they would be loving this holiday.

Single Awareness Day. That really is what Valentine’s Day is. Those in love don’t need Valentine’s Day to confirm or approve their love. But those who long for love do reaffirm their desire to find someone to give their heart to, and to be loved in return. It is a day that reminds the unmarried person that they are, indeed, still single, and they should be reminded of that fact again; and perhaps a bit more “in your face” than usual. You are still single, and Valentine’s Day seems to have nothing to do with you. You can give valentines to friends, siblings, parents, coworkers, or anyone else you might feel inspired to give one to in the spirit of the day. Why not? You can still have fun with this holiday. And after all, a day to celebrate love does not have to be exclusive to romantic love, now, does it? However, there is no escaping that the collective social meaning behind the celebration of such a day as Valentine’s Day is that it is about romance, and exchanges of hearts in the romantic sense. And this is why it hurts when this day approaches and there is no one special romantically in your life.

In all seriousness, though, I would hope that Single Awareness Day (a.k.a. Valentine’s Day) would be a day to renew the hope of finding love. A day to recommit to the inspiration from God that you want to find love and enter into the vocation of marriage. A day to express deep faith that one day it will happen. It is this hope that keeps us prepared and disposed when love does come.

In the meantime, we can practice being prepared and disposed by renewing our love daily for Jesus Christ, who is the Heart of our hearts; the one desire of our affections; the One who authors the movements of human love and affection, and Who will be the reason behind any love we actually have to give. God is love. Human beings share in that love to the degree that we allow ourselves to participate in God’s love. And the true love that is worth anything in marriage is one that is unconditional and self-sacrificing; one of service, always reaching out to give. We can certainly practice this kind of love every day as we await that one person to come along whom we will recognize as being worthy of the love we have to give to another exclusively in marriage.

So it is a S.A.D. day. But don’t be sad. Be full of joy. Display to others that you have the life of Christ in you, and the love He wants to share through you. Renew your commitment to be the love you are called to be in your future marriage, and practice sharing what love you have to give with others as it is appropriate to share as an unmarried person. It’s Single Awareness Day! If you are single, be aware that you are preparing for your future spouse, and can renew the love in your heart for Jesus, and pray for your future spouse with all the love you long to give him or her.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Well, it’s been quite a while since I have written regularly on my blog. I have quite a backlog of questions I have not gotten to answer yet, and these questions are the primary source of my blog posts. I basically decided to slow things down with the blog as of June 2009 so I could put more attention in other important things. I have written here and there, but not as regularly as I used to. But I am now in a position to start writing regularly again. Let me share with you what has been going on in my time off:

First, I needed to get a good chunk of research compilation time. I have been feeling lately that it is time to organize so much of my research into a book. I was not too ambitious about this, because it is a lot of work to organize research. I love taking notes and the research process itself. But to organize scattered research is a tedious task. What’s motivating this is the request from a publisher to write a series of books on subjects related to Catholic dating. So I have been preparing for that during this time, and am ready to actually work on the book. I hope to have the first one done by the summer.

Also, I was recording an album of my own music. I decided in June it was time to start. I have put it off for many, many years. It was completed at the end of December, and released a few weeks ago. You will notice my promotion of it on this blog, and you can read more about it at www.anthonybuono.net. Music is a hobby for me, and so is songwriting. I had a lot of my own songs I have long wanted to record with a band, and my band, Glass Onion (a Beatles tribute band), I felt was ready to do it. It was a lot of fun to work on this project with them, and I am very happy to have some songs recorded. I hope to work on the next album later this year. Music is part of who I am, and I love playing in the band and recording music.

Also, I have been working on an anti-pornography documentary, which is due to be released later this month. I really wanted to create something of high quality and very professional that would help ignite people, particularly men, to take action against pornography in their own lives as well as in their communities. So I chose to approach the project as a documentary that would outline the authentic dangers of pornography, and then focus on a solution that would inspire action. That solution is the story of Mark Houck and Damian Wargo, founders of The King’s Men apostolate, and their fight against the strip club called Coyotes that opened up right in their own community, and their tireless efforts to successfully shut it down. I am very excited about how many men will be inspired to take action against pornography in their lives because of this documentary.

Finally, something quite unexpected. I was approached by a close friend who is the founder of an amazing pro-life organization based out of Austin, Texas, to help get their organization established in Philadelphia. Their mission is simply to save the lives of babies through educating pregnant women via highly professional media outreach (primarily television commercials). I am always interested in saving babies, but feel more effective methods need to emerge in the pro-life movement using the media. I was very impressed to learn that the abortion rate in Austin has gone down 24% since they began their efforts 5 years ago. That is an unheard-of reduction rate. Their model is a proven one, and I cannot help but be inspired and excited about the prospects of saving thousands of babies in my home area of Philadelphia. So I have been working on getting that going as well. I am also hoping to share it more with many of you who are in the northeast area, especially Philadelphia, and that you will be open to helping me in this work. But more on that later. Feel free to contact me if you know you would be interested.

So that is the story of the last 6 months. Now I am back to a position of being able to write more regularly, and am starting to post again as of today.

Thank you for your patience, for your prayers, and for your support.

Yours in Christ,

Anthony

Usually at this time of year, I write something about how preparing for Christmas can feel bittersweet for those who are single. As I personally prepare for Christmas, I can’t help being caught up in the usual things we all can get caught up in. My goodness, now I have 2 feet of snow to dig out of with only 5 days until Christmas. My kids prayed for a white Christmas, but 3 inches would have been enough! My inclination was to be upset at the inconvenience of it. Yes, it’s beautiful, but how can one help but think of all it will take to get out of such a mess, and get everything done with such little time left before Christmas? To add to the temptation, my son’s birthday present was a hockey game we could not all get to because of the snow. What a disappointment, and financial loss.

But as the snow kept falling and I was shoveling the cars out, I stopped for a long pause and just watched the snow. In the silence of that snowfall, the word that kept coming to mind was “blessing”. What a blessing that snow was! As beautiful as the snowfall was, its greatest blessing was the power of its silence. That silent beauty was able to grind things to an absolute halt. And a much-needed halt at that. Had it not been for this snow, I would have raced my way right to Christmas Eve. But as it happened, I was forced to stop and be steeped in the silent beauty and blessing of the snow.

So I watched the snow and kind of just stood there, letting my mind clear out. What I did not expect to happen next was the real point God was trying to make. I heard myself say to myself, “Anthony, do you even know the true meaning of Christmas?” It was a fair question to ask myself at that point. I just didn’t expect it, because I have been preparing for Christmas all Advent. Why would I ask such a thing? I believe the reason is because I don’t believe I have ever considered the utter silence that surrounded God entering this world, and how much God values silence, and uses silence to communicate with mankind.

I had read about this silence from many spiritual writers, but perhaps only intellectualized it. But this snowy day, 5 days before Christmas, I found myself trying to actually process it. Those writings came flooding back to me and I had a very special moment in that snow that has blessed me for this particular Christmas.

You know, it really is true that there is a temptation to retreat into self and feel alone, as if no one understands you, and your problems are insurmountable. Looking into homes from the outside you see bright lights, a warm glow, happy families. But there is also a pain for those who feel lonely within a family; those estranged from loved ones, spouses that cannot see eye to eye, families who have lost a loved one. Christmas is a time to reconnect. And rightly so. Being connected with others is what teaches us the true meaning of love, and therefore brings us closer to God, as well as gives us the ability to bring God to others. There is a sadness when we are not connected with family or friends, or if we have not made that one connection we long to find when it comes to the marriage vocation. Christmastime can make those feelings more acute.

The key is to take these feelings of sadness, or regret, or loneliness, to the Lord. In the still of the silence of the Tabernacle, Jesus is present to us and waiting for us. Much like the still of the silence of His birth when Jesus was born and God was very much present to us, He is there every day in the Tabernacle, ready to take upon Himself all that we have to give him.

Advent is a beautiful time of preparation. But it should be a time when we prepare for the silence. Our souls are truly yearning for something: not for these surface things, but for God. We feel the call to repentance, we feel the call to reconnect, but the One we most need to reconnect with is the Lord. We are downcast and groaning, and He is there, in the still of the silence, waiting for us. Waiting for us to come before Him humbly, and ask Him to help us start anew. And so it is most appropriate that we pour out our souls in the beautiful sacrament of Penance at this time of the year. And by doing so we prepare our hearts for the coming of the Christ Child by making a place for him, first and foremost in our own hearts. Once we have made our hearts a place that is fit for the King of Kings, we are better able to bring hope to others. Advent is a beautiful time to hope that the things which are difficult in our lives can be improved.

But this is accomplished most effectively as we understand the value of silence. This snowstorm that caused us to stop was an opportunity (a gift) to appreciate what it means to stop everything and consider the real purpose of Christmas. It made me laugh to see people out in their driveways (like myself), immediately trying to get cars dug out, and to see people attempting to drive out of the development. No sooner did the snow stop than everyone seemed to have to get out and go somewhere. Was it really necessity that drove their sense of immediacy to get out and go, risking their very lives? Or could it perhaps be an unknown distaste for stopping; for shutting down; for accepting; for silence? I can say for myself, being the type of person that takes action and has to solve problems and keep moving, I believe I have that distaste and lack of appreciation.

I am so thankful to God to get this snowstorm, and for the Holy Spirit prompting me while I was out in the storm to stop and look and listen. All of Advent so far has not prepared me as well as this snowstorm has just 5 days before Christmas. Sometimes God has to do some unusual things to get our attention. He certainly got mine via this snowstorm. Otherwise, I was on the fast track to missing Christmas again this year without even knowing it.

We wait in joyful anticipation for the coming of the Savior. The Child Jesus wasn’t born into an enormous family, or even a large one. There were no brightly colored lights or cheerful carols in Bethlehem on that holy night. There was great faith, hope, and love. There was Our Lady and St. Joseph. And there was silence! To the whole world, God came into the world virtually unnoticed—except by those who were connected. For those connected, the silent entry of God into the world was communicated to them somehow. Those who cannot appreciate silence have a hard time knowing where God is, or perhaps even remembering Him at all.

Silent Night, that wonderful Christmas carol, has renewed meaning to me this year. Find the silence! Enjoy the silence! It is how we truly encounter God and make the connection that is most important in our lives, so that we can connect with others most effectively. In the silence, you will always find God.

Merry Christmas and the blessings of the Christ Child to you all.

Christmas is an emotional time of year.

Everything in normal life gets transformed by the spirit of Christmas. Decorations go up in houses, offices, even whole towns and cities. Music with Christmas themes dominates the radio. People for the most part seem to be in the spirit of Christmas. Kids are full of excitement. It's just a time of year that you can't help realizing there is something different to take notice of and that it must be more important than other times of year. All of us have memories that just flood to the forefront of our minds and hearts of Christmases past that cause us to have emotional experiences unique only to Christmas time, especially when it comes to family. For Christians, of course, it is even more emotional (or it should be) because it is a time of focus on the birth of the Savior of the world, and the experiences of the very religious aspects of Christmas (i.e., liturgies, choirs, carols, almsgiving, etc.) are central and unifying.

In my house right now, all seven of our children are anxiously anticipating Christmas day and the presents they will receive. Parents are excited for children at Christmas. It really is a magical time. They are fully aware of the central meaning of Christmas being the focus on the coming of our Savior on Christmas morning. But they are also caught up in all the other exciting things that surround Christmas. There is so much joy in them, and so many wonderful emotions that will last a lifetime for them.

Christmas time, however, can also be a time of mixed emotions, and even negative feelings. It's frustrating, for example, to have so many distractions from the true focus of Christmas, or to have stress over all that is happening or that we want to do during this time of year. It can cause a person to just want the whole thing over with so they can get some peace and quiet back in their lives. It can also make us forget about our duty to service of others, especially the poor to whom we are to reach out in a special way at Christmas time. It's quite an irony, since Christmas is a feast of peace and love. It is the challenge of all Christians to insure that the meaning of Christmas is lived, our peace is not lost, and we radically step outside of ourselves in order to give to others and share ourselves.

But my main point in writing is to acknowledge the unique challenges of Christmas time for those who are single and desire to be married. For some unmarried people, Christmas can be a harsh reminder of what they do not have but desire to have so much; namely, a person they love to share this special season with, and the rest of their lives with. Some have a harder time than others. It can be difficult, for example, not to have some stirring of envy when seeing brothers and/or sisters and their children. It can be a mixed experience of great joy to be with them all and hurt because of the longing to have a family of their own.

Those who go through these kinds of mixed emotions have no need of being told that it is wrong or what it is they have to do or should be really feeling. But it is still real, and very few can understand it. Therefore, they do not have anyone to really talk to about it without being interpreted negatively.

I think it is important that unmarried persons who are going through these mixed emotions at Christmas time understand that it fine to have these feelings, and it is not a sign that you are unappreciative or any such thing you can think of to accuse yourself. You are right to desire to have your own family and share that kind of love. As long as you don't allow these feelings to take a turn toward depression and get to a point where you actually "dread" Christmas, it is fine to recognize the longing you have and the hurt you feel.

I know in my own life, while I was single, as much as I loved Christmas and enjoyed Christmas time as a single adult, I remember those pangs for what I believed was still missing. They were primarily feelings of "longing": longing for a life in marriage I believed I was meant for, and how many Christmases would go by before I would have that. It just can't be helped to have these feelings lurking around. But they must be put in their proper place. In fact, it might be that your interpretation of them is all wrong.

I believe a big key to helping with this is to have a strong commitment to the Advent season and consider all that Advent means. It's a time of preparation. We prepare twofold for the coming of the Lord: both in commemoration of His already coming 2000 years ago in the stable of Bethlehem, and His coming again in glory at the end of time. How do we prepare? We wait in joyful hope. Hope! That is the attitude of the Advent season; that is the attitude of life. Hope is one of the three evangelical counsels, which are faith, hope, and love. Without hope, there is no living this life. We wait in joyful hope for the coming of the Lord. There is always "hope".

I often tell my kids in the morning on our drive to school to look up and check to see if Jesus is coming. They look anxiously around the skies. He is not there. "That's okay," I tell them. "We will just keep hoping he will come soon and we will keep checking." But most of all, we are to keep living our lives as if he is coming tomorrow.

Our lives are a preparation, just as Advent is a time of preparation. We live in faith, in hope, in love. Faith, by believing in Jesus Christ and His Church and living those beliefs every day as if today is our last day. Hope, by trusting in God to provide for our every need and fulfilling His will for us by maintaining constant trust. Love, by making our very lives a gift to others in service to the Lord.

Our vocation to marriage is a preparation. We wait in joyful hope for the coming of our future spouse. For some, that longing and that hope will not be fulfilled in this life. But it does not mean for an instant that we should stop preparing or despair. To give up hope would be to stop preparing and stop longing. The Advent for our vocation would end, and make it impossible for there to be a "day of arrival" that fulfills our longing. The Lord may send someone along and there will be no oil in the lamp. The preparation had ended, and the guest has left.

It would be a sin to give up on the Advent of our vocation. Even should a marriage never actually happen, the preparation time is not in vain, and the longing and hope are not without satisfaction. For when we depart from this world, we will be greeted by One who is the true Bridegroom Who will invite us inside to the wedding feast we were made by God to partake in. And we will be perfectly happy and live love to the fullest.

So have those mixed emotions this Christmas. It's okay, and it's natural. That also goes for anyone who is married, but is perhaps unhappy or does not have the marriage they feel they should. Those mixed emotions are gifts from God. May they humble you so you realize that your help is in the name of the Lord in all things, and that He is your hope. May that hope in the Lord strengthen your hope that love and happiness in the vocation of marriage is still possible and can happen, but should it not, your happiness is complete in service of the Lord.

This life is an Advent in preparation for eternity. Christmas is the marriage of God and man when the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. May this marriage dwell within your hearts and permeate your lives with great joy and peace, and may you never feel alone again.

Merry Christmas and a blessed life of preparation to you all.

My children have been working for days making Valentines for family and schoolmates. They love it. And it's been great to get a perspective of Valentine's Day from the point of view of children. They are so pure and innocent in their intentions. They see it as a time to share a message that they care. It is much like the original intention of Valentine's Day. 

Chaucer is primarily credited for the idea. He wrote a poem that said birds choose a mate on this day. The secular world picked that concept up and applied it to people, and February 14th became a day to share affection for the ones you love. It happened to be the day of the feast of St. Valentine, who has absolutely nothing to do with love, romance, mating, or any other such thing, except to say that he (as all saints) was in love with Christ. But that's reaching :-) He was simply a third-century martyr for Christ, who was beheaded in the end. Not very romantic, but definitely a great witness to love.

Ironically, this concept of birds finding a mate has everything to do with 'offspring.' The concept of "mating" has as its purpose NOT the idea of falling in love, but the idea of having babies. So the birds choose a mate, or the lucky bird will conceive and have baby birdies. I think it is no small coincidence that the "mating" concept of Valentine's Day never followed along as the celebration grew. We don't find someone to "mate" with today, we find someone to "date." Mating means children, and God forbid we throw children into the focus of love and relationships. Sadly, that is what modern Valentine's Day has helped to dispel; namely, the reality that finding one person to love is focused on that love "being fruitful" in the having of children. Best to keep it to flowers and chocolates, not children, huh? :-)

The 18th century was the time that Chaucer's inspiration really took hold, and you find letters to sweethearts using the term "Valentine."  Of course, the rest is history. But Valentine's Day has definitely moved away from its innocence and purity. Part of what is distorted about it is the pressure is causes. I remember even as a teenager, there was an intense pressure and craziness as Valentine's Day approached. Needless to say, it's just as intense and crazy today. But there seems to be more of a "countdown" toward it, which helps make it an incredible money-making industry.

I have never been an advocate of profiting off people's loneliness or desire to love someone and be loved by someone. Additionally different from my teenage and college years is the Internet, and the incredible multi-billion-dollar online dating industry. Ironically, I technically have an online dating site, Ave Maria Singles, so maybe I seem hypocritical to some on this point. But I don't think anyone would argue that there is a ton of dating sites out there promoting "love-seeking." Basically, people use them because the basic desire in all single people to want love in their life makes these sites a great business.

As for Valentine's Day itself, it is definitely considered the official day for love. I'm not writing today to "judge" it. People obviously want it, or it wouldn't be as popular as it is. But it only fosters a small and not-so-sustainable aspect of true love that lasts a lifetime. If truth be known, Valentine's Day is a celebration of "feelings" of love. I'm fine with a day that is designated a day to recognize the feelings you have for the one you love. It's fun, and it's harmless. But I am totally against the pressure that it makes people feel. If single people are made to feel depressed because they don't have a "Valentine," then there is something distorted about Valentine's Day. If a man is made to feel as if he does not really love a woman because he forgets to arrange for flowers delivered, that is also a distortion of the spirit of Valentine's Day. I especially don't like to hear of single people lamenting because this day has come and gone with love still elusive in their life. That saddens my heart. Ask yourself this: how many couples who have celebrated Valentine's Day in the past are no longer couples? Some? Most? So many it's scary?

At the end of the day, I am fine with Valentine's Day. It's fun to see the kids do something tangible to show someone they love that they care. It's also a great reason to take Bridget out for dinner on a date. But I thank God I am with a woman who never cared for Valentine's Day, and who never put any pressure on me to make it anything significant. Forgetting her birthday, though ... now that is a different matter altogether :-)

For those of us who are really "in love" with someone, it's kind of an anti-climatic day because when you celebrate love every day of your life, having one day to recognize it is kind of absurd. And for Catholics, saying "Happy St. Valentine's Day" has more of different meaning than the world would like to know about. Besides, for Christians, the ultimate days that celebrate love are still yet to come, and are just around the corner: Good Friday and Easter. One thing is for sure: Valentine's Day is never a day that creates "security" for love. In other words, as long as love is only a feeling, it can die just as intensely as it lived in the moment it was just a feeling.

May those who want true love look to Good Friday and Easter Sunday. When you find someone who agrees with that, then you have someone who just might really know what lifelong, committed, sacrificial, unconditional, married love is. But it's okay to have fun with Valentine's Day, too, as long as you don't put pressure on each other.

Just got back from Mass and receiving ashes for Ash Wednesday to start another Lenten season. Today is a special reminder to us from the Church that we are not only going to die one day, but that life is very short and that this body of ours is going to end up back to dust.

Those who have heard my talks know that I often like to say to single Catholics something like, "You will all be dead soon, so you had better get on with it sooner rather than later." Of course, I am talking about the vocation to marriage. Some say it is more complicated than that. I wonder.

I am 42 years old and was married when I was 28. Bridget and I have been through a great deal together, and have grown as individuals through our love for each other. There have been many very hard times, which are times when you wonder how anyone without God to answer to can get through. We have 7 children, and have also had 4 miscarriages. Our first child was diagnosed with autism at age 2. Many things in our life are going not as we expected, but completely as they should be. We are very blessed.

Every day, I consider that I will be dead very soon, and it is a great help for my vocation to marriage. It helped me get into marriage in the first place, and it helps me to be strong in my marriage. It is so very obvious to me that my salvation is being worked out through marriage via my relationship with my wife and the raising of my children. I have come a long way, but still have a long way to go. But the accountability and responsibility in marriage keep me focused and on the right path.

I am 42 years old and still in love with my wife, believe marriage is permanent, and rely on God's grace to fulfill my duties in marriage and build up the persons entrusted to me by God, even when I don't feel like doing it. I am well on my way to being ready to meet God when I am dead. And I have marriage to thank for that. I can remember the kind of person I was before I was married, and all the moments in marriage along the way when I was required to renounce certain aspects of that pre-marriage person. Marriage has made me a better person.

I am 42 years old and have so many blessings. Perhaps I have 20 or 30 good years left; who knows? God knows! But I wake up every day knowing exactly what I need to do to fulfill God's will for me, and that brings me a tremendous peace. If I die today, however, I have done a lot for the marriage vocation I have been called to, and the purposes of marriage that God intended.

I work with many, many single Catholic men and women. Many of them believe they have time for marriage whenever it happens, or are content to wait for God to do something that will move them toward marriage. Men especially seem to be in no real rush, and still trying to figure things out, as if marriage is about having your act totally together before you can take the plunge. That, of course, is nonsense. It is in marriage that things come together, not before. Sadly, many give in to sex before marriage, as if they have a right to enjoy their sexual impulses that are God-given (and they are) while maintaining an excuse for not being married yet (where sexual activity is ONLY permitted by God). It's hypocrisy to say, "I gave in to weakness and had sex" and then say, "I don't know if I am ready for marriage" or "I am not sure if this is the right person." Biblically, the act of intercourse is marriage. But how sad it is that even Catholics do this, while thinking so little of marriage and the right that future spouse has to their spouse's body and sexuality.

Though many give the outward appearance of being content to wait on the Lord, I know they are not happy. Not really. Yes, they love God and serve Christ and are good Catholics, and thank God there is so much more to eternity than this world can offer. And I guess, in a way, thank God we "will" be dead soon and have eternal happiness. But it does not have to be that way.

I am convinced that much of the problem of why marriages are not taking place today that should be taking place is because there is not enough meditation on the subject "Remember Death." Death is coming. It's coming soon. And what about quality of life even if you are not dead? You get to a certain age when you are still alive, but hardly able to do what you could do when younger. That's a form of death. But let's just call it "dying." We are all slowly but surely dying.

There are wonderful, good, kind, loving Catholic men and women out there who will make good husbands and wives. They won't be perfect, and they may not knock you off your feet in outward physical beauty (as the world seems to dictate should happen). But don't be deceived. Marriage is about service. It's about a calling we have to serve one person and the children that may come. And fulfilling that calling is the easy way to happiness in this life and excelling in growth in holiness. You don't "need" what you THINK you need. You don't "have to have" what you think you have to have. You really need only choose, then love with everything you have. In other words, ALLOW yourself to love someone who is clearly a good and beautiful person. I'm not talking about a loveless relationship. I'm talking about being open to falling in love. So many are closed to perfectly good opportunities due to the triggers they have set up for themselves that need to pulled before they open up. It's sad.

Precisely because you will be dead soon, if you really want marriage, then you need to get into it sooner rather than later. Men especially need to realize this. They do the choosing (the asking on dates, as well as proposing). You can't be 45 or 50 years old (for example) and still be saying you have a marriage vocation, but still hanging around waiting for something to happen. And you certainly can't keep using the same old excuses, especially that you haven't found the right person yet. Well, have you looked around you? Are you really "noticing" those who have been put into your path?

Choose! You will be dead soon and God will ask you to give an account of your life. Don't end up having to say to Him that He never sent you someone. He will simply say you did not notice the opportunities He sent you, nor did you ACT. God is all ACTION. He loves the person of action because he made us that way, especially the man of action. There are women out there to take action with. And they are waiting for you, and ready to love you as you have never known before. There will be rejection, but it takes only one. You will suffer during the marriage in many ways you cannot know ahead of time. But the love you give and the peace that comes with knowing you are where God wants you to be is immeasurable. And God will bless you abundantly for the risk you took in faith.

Remember death! Remember it every day. It will serve you well when it comes to taking action in your life. God needs you right now while you are alive.

Have a very grace-filled Lent.

Yesterday (Sunday) I had a wonderful father-daughter outing with Lydia, my 5-year-old. I took her to the Kennedy Center to see a ballet production of "Sleeping Beauty". Of course, like every normal little girl, Lydia is very much into all things "ballerina". It was a fantastic production and Lydia loved every minute of it. I went to enjoy my daughter time, but found myself really enthralled in the performances. What an incredible amount of athletic ability is required to be a ballet dancer! And the men ... my goodness, they must have needed to be oozing with male confidence to take up ballet. They were what struck me the most. These were very nice looking, very "manly" looking men performing their hearts out with an obvious talent for dance. I couldn't help thinking about what their dating issues must be like.

My guess was that they probably had no problems at all. They were attractive enough and, again, their confidence must be sky-high. Yet, there is a career that defies all the talks I am used to hearing about men and male confidence, etc. In none of those talks do you hear of a real man being a dancer, and the sacrifice that is required to be an exceptional, professional dancer. Fred Astaire and Donald O'Connor probably never real issues of manhood or confidence with women. And these male theatrical performers who dance in tights probably don't either. They all, no doubt, have to work on this craft from the time of boyhood. I doubt they had time for Cub Scouts and such. And I also doubt that their fathers had something to relate to them with at this level (no father-son dancing afternoons, I suspect). But there they are: normal men who happen to be dancers for a living.

I also couldn't help thinking how great it was to see so many men on our last cruise dancing every night with the ladies in our group, and how a man who dances really is attractive to a woman. Guys need to dance, no matter how bad they are or think they are. The women love it. It shows confidence, which is one of the top three characteristics in men I most hear women love.

Men who did not have the upbringing the "experts" think they should have had should not be the least bit deterred. If these athletic, hardworking, talented men who love to dance are willing to perform in a production like "Sleeping Beauty" and still maintain their manhood and live confident lives, why can't any Catholic man, no matter what was lacking from his past or what issues he had to work through? Dancing is a great place to start to build confidence. It will go a long way with the women.

As for my little Lydia, she wants to marry the prince who kissed Sleeping Beauty. He certainly was dashing and charming looking, even in that silly getup, so I can't blame her. But I think, like the truths that come so many times from children, Lydia is attracted to the hero that is in a man. That hero quality is what women are seeking. It's even the desire of those who have been influenced falsely by feminism.

What woman doesn't want a man who will go out of his way to make her feel special and one-of-a-kind? That is a true hero! I pray every day for such a man for my Lydia, as I do for all the wonderful Catholic single women. May men step out and risk rejection in the name of making a woman feel special.